I feel like a weight has been lifted off my back. I came in with the mindset this semester that I'll carry the weight of everything. It's doable, but the pressure and responsibility that comes with it is immense. Especially when I have a tendency to procrastinate. The type where I leave myself enough time to complete things. It creates this sensation of impending doom if I were to fail, high stakes high rewards I guess.
However I changed my mind yesterday. I wanted to control everything in order to maximize my grades, but did that really matter？I attached my self-worth to something so arbitrary, especially when I started to feel that a degree was starting to feel like a waste of time and money. Rather than attaching any meaning to a final grade or score, I should focus more on the skill growth aspect of things. This would probably make the process smoother.
Next, onto my fitness. I feel great, no more joint pain, I'm making progress, and maybe growing？But something bothers me greatly, the training doesn't feel as painful as it used to, like I had to dig into the darkest depths of my psyche to push the weight off my body. Now it's more technical and internal focused. I pay mindful attention to how my body feels as I execute each motion. I guess this is how training is supposed to be, but it does feel boring and to a certain extent disappointing. To me training used to be let's kill it, all out pain and suffering, like what RP used to show on their channel. But I guess it's not sustainable. Maybe at around 12 weeks, I would overreach and squeeze every last drop out. The 12 week number came from Lyle Mcdonald. Or maybe I should maintain the same pace, and see how long it would take for me to hit the point where I need a deload.
So what do I really want at this point in time? I have no clue, do I want a job? Probably. I need the money to fund my lifestyle. I don't spend much, but having more money is nice. I should probably get through my stack of library books and then read through Dave Ramsey 7 baby steps. It's nice to achieve financial freedom, and for me it's probably very doable.
That's all for today.
No comments:
Post a Comment